Last Updated on November 7, 2020 by Camilla Gill
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You’re not alone if you ever think ‘Why Do I Feel So Lonely And Sad All The Time?’
It is a very normal feeling.
New research has revealed that 25% of millennials don’t have a single friend.
As a generation, millenials are the loneliest people to ever exist.
Here’s a depressing stat for you – 30% of millennials surveyed said they always or often felt lonely, compared to just 15% of baby boomers and 20% Gen X.
But if we’re all feeling lonely and sad, then why aren’t we more open about it? Why don’t we DO SOMETHING about it? What even makes you feel sad and lonely?
What if our loneliness is all thanks to that smart phone you’ve got in your hand right now?
There’s no denying that the rise of social media has played a huge part in the loneliness epidemic. It could be why you’re left lying in bed at nightwondering ‘Why so I feel so lonely and sad all the time?
Social media has driven us to become obsessed with appearances. Constantly creating and curating a FAKE picture-perfect image of our lives.
What if we spent a little less time pretending to be fine and more time showing people the real us? Would we feel less alone?
No one wants to be the first one to put their hand up and say, ‘Hey, you know what? I’m actually feeling pretty lonely. I’d like some help figuring out this life stuff out, please.’
Who You Are vs Who People THINK You Are
Have you ever marvelled at how others’ perception of you can be so wildly different to your own…?
People often tell me how they admire my confidence and bravery to travel and work online, and yet, it never fails to surprise me.
I think, ‘WOW, if only they knew how UN-confident I am!’
And then I started thinking…if I seem brave to people but yet I don’t feel brave… Then… how many other people put there are doing the same thing as me?
Surely all this fronting is only exaggerating the mental health issues that are constantly on the rise in the developed world.
How many other people are wondering why do I feel so lonely and sad all the time? What would happen if we started to share our irrational thoughts and worries?
Would we feel less alone through sharing?
I’ll Go First
I want to help at least one person feel less alone. Make them realise that everyone else has bad days and struggles with loneliness and feelings of sadness.
I want to be an example and put myself out there first. So, here’s an unfiltered inside look into my head. All my worries and fears.
That way, next time you’re wondering why do I feel so lonely and sad all the time, you can refer to this list and know that other people feel like you too.
1 I’m Not A Grown Up Yet
I worry that if I move back for good to UK people will laugh at me for not knowing adult things like registering at a doctors, council tax or not paying your TV license.
I only found out the other day that no one pays their rent in cash anymore. Meanwhile, because I’ve spent the last decade living abroad, I’ve only ever paid my rent in cash.
What if I never learn how to be a grown-up in the UK?
2 Body Issues And Eating Disorders
I suffered with an eating disorder when I was growing up and now, whenever I’m under extreme stress, it threatens to come back.
This is something I don’t talk about because since people see me as very body confident, they assume I don’t have any food issues.
My eating disorder was never about body issues, it was a way of dealing with stress.
But I’ve learnt to make my mental health a priority to keep it under control. However, there is still a fear that I’ll never be completely free.
I think I’m the only one who doesn’t have this money thing figured out. I’ve got no idea how to plan my pension, how to do my expenses etc.,
And I feel like such a loser because of this.
Since no one walks around with their bank balance on their forehead, naturally I assume that everyone else has a mountain of gold bars locked away in Gringotts Bank in a vault next to Harry’s.
Doesn’t matter if we used 2 condoms and some extra clingfilm on top, everytime I have sex. I worry that I’ve caught an STI.
All the protection in the world won’t stop me from googling HIV symptoms until I get myself checked.
5 Social Media Envy
Whenever I see Facebook announcements announcing someone’s having a baby, there’s a little flicker of jealousy in me.
But yet? I don’t even WANT a babe until I’m in my mid-thirties.
I still feel slightly panicked that I’m not pregnant with swollen ankles yet. It’s so important to remember to stop comparing yourself to others.
6 I Have No Friends
I have no idea how many friends one is meant to have, but I often worry I don’t have enough. Sure, I have lots of mates all around the world, but friends? Not so many, just a few.
However, social media has me under the impression that everyone is constantly lolling about the place with a million and one best friends.
7 I’ll Be Homeless Forever
What if I never stop travelling, I’ll be 60 and some new milennial version of a Crazy Old Cat Lady.
Traveling from hostel to hostel with my pet lizard (I had to choose an animal that would fit in a backpack.)
There are days when I see people finding partners, having children, and all I want in the whole world is to stop travelling.
8 Single Forever
What if I never find a partner who I won’t grow bored of, feel trapped and want to run away from. But, at the same time unable to break up with them because I’m scared to be alone.
(You might be noticing by now that logic doesn’t feature much in my way of thinking.)
9 People Judging Me
Sometimes when I meet new people, I feel intimidated and don’t know how to act, so I become quiet.
This makes me worried that people think I am arrogant.
I’ve been told that I can come off as judgy or thinking I’m better than people, but this is because im probably feeling shy and have no idea what to say so instead I just look serious because I think it looks cool?!
10 Being Selfish
Because of my travelling lifestyle, I have this constant inner dilemma of what to do with my life inside of me.
One side wanting to be near my family and the other side wanting to be relaxing in a tropical climate enjoying beaches.
Am I selfish for not living near my family?
Should I be spending more time with my family because I don’t know how much time we all have together on this Earth.
11 Societal Pressures
I’m nearing the end of my twenties and I feel like I’ve achieved NOTHING.
In my head it doesn’t matter that I speak three languages, studied for a degree abroad while working a full-time job AND a part-time job, have achieved my dream of working online being my own boss….
Nope, there are days I forget all these amazing achievements and wish I had gone to university and become an accountant in a large company.
Society finds it far easier to recognise tangible achievements like degrees, traditional careers like doctors and lawyers, buying a house, getting married and having 2 kids.
Conclusion To Why Do I Feel So Lonely And Sad All The Time
There you go, a raw inside look inside my head. All the weird thoughts and feelings that keep me awake at night.
It was SCARY putting myself out like that. However, I truly believe that if we all spent a little less time pretending to be fine and more time showing people the real us, then we would feel a little less alone.
What are your worries that make you feel lonely and sad?
Related: The BIG ‘I Don’t Know What To Do With My Life’ Illusion
Good for you for putting it out there! I agree, social media can really isolate us even when we think we’re connecting. There is real value in having at least one good face to face friend. And don’t worry, you will figure out all those other things as you do them. (But I totally get the worrying about it all). Keep reminding yourself of what you have done and who you are inside and make sure you connect with a friend or two on a personal level as much as you can. I need this reminder myself! Thank you for sharing 🙂
ahh Thank you Tara, what a lovely comment! Yes, completely agree about choosing a select one or two friends that you can confide in, really helps me! xx
Thank you for your openness, it really demonstrates that NO ONE has it together. Feeling lonely and a little lost are indeed normal parts of life (I think especially in your late 20’s), and I find it helpful to know my feelings are normal and to acknowledge them as ok.
Yes, that was exactly the point I was aiming for! Glad that came across 🙂
Hi Kelsey, good to hear that my point came across in the post! We really are all in it together!
I hope you can overcome your feelings of loneliness. It was very brave of you to share. You are helping others that feel the same and I think we all have those thoughts from time to time! Keep your head up!
Hi Sarah, thank you for your support! Means a lot!
Kelly Bolen says
Thank goodness I am not a millennial! I never remember having to worry about this kind of stuff!!!!
Oh Wow! That’s amazing, gosh, that’s kind of comforting to hear that maybe we really do have it a bit tougher!
Jennifer Maune says
Social media a huge cause for concern. We have to remember that people mostly only post the best of the best. Most people do not share struggles – but we should! Nobody is perfect and everyone has some sort of issues. Great post to be able to commiserate with other! (;